I would like to say a huge thank you to the Principal (Jane) and the PA committee at the Tenby International School (Ipoh Campus) for having me over to share on ‘The 3 most important things you need to do to give your children a head start in life: So they can be happy, confident and resilient’.
I know that lots of parents had questions about how to handle older children (elementary/primary level) that I didn’t have enough time to address properly so I thought I’d share some of my observations here. When I listen to you and observe some of your children, I see many good hearted parents who are trying their utter best but who are limited by their knowledge and skills in intentional parenting……and please don’t fret…..my parents were like that also….along with so many others especially in Asia! Let me elaborate…..
The truth is that children (more so for those under 7 years) respond to their immediate environment and that includes their interaction with their parents. As such, if you want your child to change, you will need to change their immediate environment……and that was what I’ve been working really hard to do so that my children will have a better upbringing than myself or my hubby.
During our talk on Tuesday, I showed you just ONE example of a theorist who shared the psychology of how children develop understanding of themselves and of others and you could see from Erik Erikson’s psychosocial model that every experience children go through (especially during the early years), is highly dependent on their interaction with their parents and how their parents respond to them contributes significantly to their self-image or how they see themselves.
So if you meet a child who lacks self-confidence, it likely implies that that child comes from a home that (maybe unknowingly) doubts his abilities, picks on his weaknesses (e.g. parents who often nag at their children fall into this category) and that doesn’t give him opportunities to showcase his abilities.
Then again, if you meet a child who lacks responsibility, it likely implies that that child comes from a home that hasn’t given him very many opportunities to help him develop a sense of purpose and ownership in caring for themselves and their belongings.
Now I know at this point that many of you would probably be going……”We did teach our children to be responsible! and we do praise them all the time to help them improve self-confidence! and we give them lots of opportunities to do these things……but they still aren’t as responsible as we’d like them to be nor do they have self-confidence!”.
Yes! The age old parenting dilemma of …..’I did that but….”. Here’s the MAIN problem…..most parents teach children with their adult conventional wisdom. Though this method might work with other adults, it usually always never work with young children! They are a totally unique being that needs to be understood in their own light……and thank god we have child developmental psychology to help us understand them…..and to show us exactly how we can do it in a way that actually WORKS EFFECTIVELY with young children. Because without it, we will be trying forever, doing it in ways that yields little results……that children don’t respond to……that gets us upset and frustrated…..and resort to punishing our children or shouting at them or spanking them or lecturing them. Yup, in case you are wondering, those techniques don’t work either!
As such, it is of great importance for those of you, who’d really want to learn how to understand and manage your children and to bring out the best in them, to learn the psychology behind how they behave, function and think……and how you can apply that understanding into your parenting approach so that you can focus your energy into doing all the RIGHT things. FYI, Erik Erikson is only ONE of the many psychologists that exist out there that are able to shed so much light on our understanding about our children…..imagine learning about most of them and what they have discovered from their many years of research and experience?
So for those of you who have signed up for my Inner Circle for Parent’s Mentoring Program, get ready for a really transformational experience because we will be dealing with applied child developmental psychology from different psychologist that will help us understand children’s growth in all the major areas such as in their intellectual development, language learning, physical skills, development of creativity and positive character traits as well as their social and emotional skills……and once you’ve learnt how they learn, you will have the ultimate tool that you will need to make your lessons clear to them…..so you can optimize their learning without having to resort to punishment, reward, coercing, threatening, lecturing, nagging and everything else that hasn’t worked thus far.
My personal message to parents of older children, keep working at it! If you want to change your children for the better, change the way you deal with them and they will respond to you. I know this sounds hard and daunting but really, do try to find a good coach who is able to break this down into small manageable steps for you and to guide you along the way so that she can track your progress and point out areas of improvements to you and keep you moving forward.
As for parents of younger children, you have an advantage above the rest…..learn how to do it and start changing your children’s immediate environment right now. Change their learning experiences, improve on the way you interact with them, and remember that if you get it right before the child is 6 years old, that you will have children who have the skills to succeed in work, relationships and life and you will have little to worry about them. However, if you don’t get it right, in a few years time, you will share the same concerns as the parents of older children and my biggest fear is that we will see a huge amount of children out there who contribute to the rising numbers of millennials who cannot work hard, who give up too easily, who hasn’t found their purpose and who will struggle immensely with failures and challenges.
I’ve put together this resource list for you so that you have some easy access to some info that could help you with your parenting journey.
Click here for the slides that was used during the talk (but I did have to change out some pictures that discloses the identity of my students, I didn’t get their parent’s permission to have their printers used outside of the classroom).
For parents of children ages 6 year and under;
Get your very own copy of my FREE ebook from any of your favourite online book shops.
Here’s the link to get it from Amazon: http://amzn.com/B01CX2J8LE
ps. if you live in a country that does not have access to Amazon’s ebook downloads (like Malaysia), you can also get a pdf copy by clicking here: https://queeniefktan.leadpages.co/e-book-giveaway/
This new book of mine has hit the Amazon’s best seller’s list just this past Monday night, 5 days after it was being published!
If you are serious about taking your parenting skills to the next level, I’d suggest that you get in on my Inner Circle for Parent Mentoring Program. This is your ultimate parenting education as you will be learning about child developmental psychology (the key to understanding how children work), how to apply it within the home environment and you will also be getting 3 years of support from me so that you will never again have to feel alone during your parenting journey. Just go to www.innercircleforparents.com to read up more about what you can expect from this course.
If you register by next Monday (28th March 2016), as parents with children at Tenby International School, you will be entitled to register at last year’s fees ($1799 usd) and you will also be getting my new course entitled ‘The course about resilience’ (valued at $297) thrown in for FREE. To register and save a spot in this exclusive (once a year enrollment) program, click here.
For parents of children in elementary and middle school;
Here’s introducing Carol Dweck (PhD) whom I’ve had the privilege to learn from at a conference last year and she talks about helping our children develop a ‘Growth Mindset’ that is important to being resilient (and don’t worry, I will show you exactly how to do this with younger children in my program ‘The Course About Resilience’) and how parents’ praise DOES NOT promote a growth mindset. Yup, there are a lot of things out there to learn and my exposure means I can save you tons of money and time by bringing what I’ve learnt to you!
So click here to listen to this talk by Carol Dweck.
Also, a parent has suggested to me that I start a small informal coaching program for parents of children in elementary school, that focusses on teaching their children:
- How to be more confident and responsible,
- How to develop entrepreneurial skills.
If you are interested in this, please send me an expression of interest via email to email@example.com.
I wish you well in all your parenting efforts. And if you need help, remember, I’m just an email away!